My Funeral

If I could speak at my own funeral, what would I say?

I was thinking about this not out of a feeling of morbidity, but rather out of thoughts of practicality. We all die, why not prepare for it? Why not use our death, like we should use all of our life, to declare the only Truth that matters?

If I were present at my own funeral (well I will in some sense be present, I mean here present in mind and not just in body) I would say the following.

I have always had (at least, ever since I can remember) a kind of longing for death. Not a longing originating in dissatisfaction with life or depression or a desire to end my life so as to be free from the pain in life. It was when I was happiest that I longed for death the most. Times when I experienced the most joy, times when I saw creation at its most beautiful. It was times like these, when I experienced life in its fullest glory that the beauty of life set me longing, always longing. It made me know that somewhere else there must be more of it. Fuller joy and beauty without end—it called to me to come, but I could not come. It almost hurt me. I felt like a bird in a cage when the other birds of its kind are flying home. But now I am going, going to a place that the greatest King of all has prepared for me. I am going to the source of beauty, of love, of joy—of all that is good. The sweetest thing in all my life has been this longing and now that longing will be forevermore satisfied and satisfied far beyond my expectations. I am returning to my home, to the place where I ought to have been born. Could this longing have meant nothing, this longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back. All my life my God has been longing for me, calling for me, and now I am going to Him.

I think we all desire something we have not yet experienced. Books, music, or sights which we think we saw beauty in—verily beauty did not lie in them, rather beauty was merely found through them. These things we call beautiful, with their glimpses into the eternal, awaken longings within us. They offer us but a taste or a glimpse to remind us there is something more for us. The greatest happiness we experience on earth is a part, but a shadow of the happiness that awaits us in the Eternal.

We fear to believe in the existence of these longings for they awaken hopes in us that are greater than anything we can imagine. We fear to dwell on these hopes because we have been let down too many times and we would never be able to recover from a let down of this proportion.

The world around us tries to silence our longings for these seemingly unattainable desires. Our philosophers tell us we need not look for God or dream of some Heaven for the good of man is to be found on earth. (Not now of course, but in the distant future. By then earth will be made into heaven and in that heaven man can have all his desires fulfilled). Our culture tries to drown out these longings with the constant hum of entertainment or with the concerns of wealth, reputation, power, and sex. But these are mere distractions and experience quickly shows that they are incapable of meeting our longings. But in giving ourselves over to the pursuit of these distractions we drown out our inner longings and make it difficult to determine the true nature of our most fundamental desires.

We have a desire no natural happiness will satisfy. Of course ‘hunger does not prove we have bread’ but is does prove that bread exists and that it is needed for man to survive. A longing for Heaven, for true beauty and eternal satisfaction is no proof we will attain them, but it is a good indication that such a thing exists and that some men will.

God asks each and every one of us to believe. He calls out: believe in my love for you, it seems impossible—too good to be true, but believe. The story of God’s love for man is truly the greatest story ever told. God desires no less than to be with us for all time, starting right now. God wants to bless us with happiness beyond what we can imagine. God sacrificed much so that we may live life to the fullest, so that we may live out our created purpose of loving Him and being loved by Him—all that He asks us to do is to accept this gift.

It is funny, I used to get depressed because I thought that all the good, all the joy I experienced was only temporary. I could not enjoy anything knowing that any moment of pleasure I had would quickly be eclipsed by evil or pain. I lost hope in life because the good never seemed to endure, evil always overcame it. But now I realize how wrong I was. In actuality the situation is reversed. All evil is transitory. All pain and suffering, every sin and every failure, even death—all of these things will only endure for a moment and will soon come to a final end. All that is good is eternal. The defeat of good is only momentary. Everything that is good, all that brings me joy and happiness: virtue, justice, and beauty; all of these things will last forever. It is the good that is eternal; it is the good alone that will prevail. Its disruption is fleeting. This fact gives us hope and enables us to endure our present troubles. Our troubles will decease, but all that is good will soon increase and continue forevermore.

I am sure of God. I have complete faith that the relationship I have with Him now will continue after my death. In fact I have not died at all. Death entails an end; all I have done is transition. I am leaving this fallen world behind and I am about to enter God’s Heavenly Kingdom. I will do so confidently, knowing that I am righteous in His eyes—not due to anything I have done, but because of His sacrifice on the cross. It will be then when I, for the first time, will awake. Then I will behold the very likeness of God and I will be wholly and truly forever satisfied. This is what I long for all my life and this is what we all most desire. In death we close our eyes but for a moment and wake up to a life in which we are whole and complete; a life where we will live in joyous harmony with God and man—an infinitely fulfilling life that will not come to an end.

So if you loved me, do not be angry with God, there could be no greater folly. If the clay does not say to its potter ‘what are you doing?’ then who are we to question God? His ways our not our ways and His plans are not our plans. Do not run from pain and the questions it provokes, that is the way of the fool. Do not blame God for the pain that the loss of life entails, that is the way of the coward.

Pain presents the best opportunity to grow, embrace it and embrace God. The wise man asks for comfort and strength, not answers. The brave man runs to God and not away.

Death is our curse; it is our shame and no more. It provokes pain and pain provokes questions and all questions asked with the right heart lead to the Answer. Use this as an opportunity to run toward God and not walk away. When we find the Answer, we realize the folly of our questions. For as Job learned, confronted with the face of God, all questions melt away.